Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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