the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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