dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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