That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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