I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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