I skipped work to stalk him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize