she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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