I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
