My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
