peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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