Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize