just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
