so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Two words: blizzard sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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