i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
