Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she smelled like a LAN party
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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