after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
