Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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