It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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