Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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