I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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