Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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