It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
