Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
