U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
