Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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