I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
