Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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