what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
