Can i not drive my cunt home
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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