Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
