FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
