She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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