He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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