I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
