oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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