so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
