So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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