oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
