did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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