I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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