New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
