Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
