whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
