the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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