i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
