The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize