i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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