Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
