terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
