my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
