Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
