I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
