Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
