Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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