At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
