He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
