He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is my gift to your gina
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
