none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize