Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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