I will die if light touches me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
