the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
