i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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