She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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