he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
