This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
