I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
