Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize