Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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