is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
