He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
