After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They took my balls.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
