I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
