today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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