I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You smell like stripper and shame
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
