Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
