Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
