I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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