I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
