Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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