Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
