I have demons in me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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