shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
