I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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