Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
