No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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