Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
