Screwed.edu
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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