: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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