shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
