I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
