I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
