just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize