my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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