Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
