I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
