I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize