If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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