Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize