Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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