I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
