hotel room ftw
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
